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Peace With the Past

I've had this post started for several weeks, but haven't been able to finish it (which translates to, too chicken to post it).  The other day I went to lunch with an old friend and my time with her inspired me to finish this post - thank you, friend.  

From 2000 to 2010 I gained almost forty pounds and in the last two years I have slowly and steadily lost almost forty pounds.  It has been small lifestyle changes and choices that have helped me lose the weight and I'm really proud of myself.  I have a set of pictures from May 2010 and April 2012 that really show the progress I've made, but I am loathe to show anyone.  If I were to be completely transparent, I am still so embarrassed by my May 2010 picture that it overshadows my pride in how far I've come the last two years.


I don't think it's just the picture, I think I haven't really come to a peace with my past.  I am still so embarrassed by who I was in that picture, not just my physical body but all of me... and a little afraid of becoming that again.  But as a wise friend said, I am not my past.  I'm trying to embrace that.  At the same time, I'm trying to embrace my past; trying to see it as part of the journey, essential to becoming who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.  Trying.

So I'm posting these pictures in hopes that it's a step towards accepting the past.  That was me then... 
and this is me, now.
  







Comments

  1. StephApril 18, 2012 at 6:46 AM

    You just wanted another reason to show off your rocking self in that dress and heels! ;)
    You look great. You are amazing and strong and you shine! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 29, 2012 at 9:17 AM

    I too have a before picture...I have yet to see that person behind the weight, depression,disgust, and loathing of myself. It's hard to joke, smile, and laugh it off when people make little remarks. Especially when you don't even want to look at yourself. "Sorry soapbox of pitty". I am so proud of you. You are a wonderful person on the inside and out. You look beautiful and full of life. Your blogs are uplifting and bring a smile, and sometimes a tear, to my face. Although we haven't known each other for years upon years, your friendship is one I charish. Throughout the stress of ACC and life I will always be there for you if you ever need me. Life is hard and sometimes you just have to let it go, believe in yourself, breathe deep and dive in to the person you dream to be... :-)

    ReplyDelete

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