brand new day

Posts

Showing posts from May, 2016

Coming Undone

Apparently, it's been 3 years since I've posted. And maybe someday I'll either find the courage or the need to tell that story. So I'll pick up not where I left off, but where I find myself today and I'll move forward from here. Can I please wear my own clothes? No, we need to put those in the locker. Do you still need us to stay here? No, we got it – you guys can leave. Please, can you just call my counselor? I have an appointment to see her tomorrow. Please. Do you have a plan? Stop saying those things. I won’t, I won’t! ...

Keep Rising

I wrote a book, well, I wrote a second revision of my book. It's personal and in it, I expose the darkest time in my life. It is raw and vulnerable. I don't hold back talking about my shortcomings and the emotional abuse I endured. Admittedly, it is a hard read and has some difficult content and mature themes. I was so lonely and broken during that time, and after I made it out of that relationship, I realized that I wasn't alone. And that realization was integral in my healing. I wrote this book to tell my story, but more importantly to help those who have had similar experiences; to give them a voice and hope. I also wrote it for the friends and family of those who struggle with depression and living in an abusive relationship. I hope to offer insight on what it is to be tapped in the middle of abuse. I'm in the process of getting beta readers to critique it to get some constructive feedback so I can improve the book. I...

Busting Through Doorways

It's a lot to ask of our seventeen and eighteen year olds to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives, isn't it? Some do, but others, like my daughter Grace, do not. And that's okay. She thinks the syllogism of her life is; elementary school + middle school + high school + college = the rest of her life. It may feel like that to her, but it's not. College is just the next step in her life, not the defining step. It's hard to see the bigger picture at seventeen years old when there's still so much life to experience. The summer before her junior year, she had to face what life after high school is going to look like. She knew it would be college, but that was about it. She was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. What doorways would she have to walk through to get where she wanted to be? A lot. But I knew she could do it, because I have watched Grace go through doorways her whole life. There was Kindergarten Grace who fearlessly walked i...

Peace With the Past

I've had this post started for several weeks, but haven't been able to finish it (which translates to, too chicken to post it). The other day I went to lunch with an old friend and my time with her inspired me to finish this post - thank you, friend. From 2000 to 2010 I gained almost forty pounds and in the last two years I have slowly and steadily lost almost forty pounds. It has been small lifestyle changes and choices that have helped me lose the weight and I'm really proud of myself. I have a set of pictures from May 2010 and April 2012 that really show the progress I've made, but I am loathe to show anyone. If I were to be completely transparent, I am still so embarrassed by my May 2010 picture that it overshadows my pride in how far I've come the last two years. I don't think it's just the picture, I think I haven't really come to a peace with my past. I am still so embarrassed by who I was in that picture, not just my physical body bu...