Last year I got divorced for the second time. Should I have tried harder? Was I being selfish? Was it my fault? Did I need to learn how to forgive? I don't have all the answers, but I've learned a lot along the way.
I've learned that it's okay to love someone and let them go. I've learned that if it's hurting you, it's okay to stop trying to make it work and walk away. I've learned that too much compromise is not an expression of love, it's enabling and will never change someone else's behavior. I've learned that as much as you want to show someone that they are worthy of love, it's not your job. It's our own personal journey and responsibility to learn that lesson. No one can do it for us, and we can't do it for others.
I've learned that it's okay to say no, even if that means risking losing someone. I've learned that it's not selfish to say I deserve more. It's truth. I've learned that honoring your own self worth is the first step towards leaving a toxic relationship. And I've learned that it's okay to name a relationship toxic if that's what it is. You'll lose yourself if you keep pretending that a dysfunctional relationship is a healthy one.
I've learned that even those that hurt you deserve kindness, but not at the expense of your own well-being and happiness. I've learned that you cannot give all of yourself away and leave nothing for yourself. It's not sustainable. I've learned that's okay to say no more second chances, I've had enough. I've learned that there are some trusts that cannot be repaired, and that’s not retribution or vengeance, it's wisdom.
I've learned that forgiveness is saying I'm letting go of the anger I've felt towards you. I'm letting you go without wishing you ill. I understand that the pain you caused stems from your own pain, and I wish you healing for the hurts you carry. I've learned to forgive yet maintain boundaries.
I've learned that no matter where you land, no matter how dark, there is always hope. I've learned that no matter what your story, there's no shame in your journey. Because it's okay to make mistakes, even bad choices. Move forward, start again. I've learned that no matter how broken you are, you will find wholeness again.
I've learned that after all the tears, you will find your smile.
I've learned that it's okay to love someone and let them go. I've learned that if it's hurting you, it's okay to stop trying to make it work and walk away. I've learned that too much compromise is not an expression of love, it's enabling and will never change someone else's behavior. I've learned that as much as you want to show someone that they are worthy of love, it's not your job. It's our own personal journey and responsibility to learn that lesson. No one can do it for us, and we can't do it for others.
I've learned that it's okay to say no, even if that means risking losing someone. I've learned that it's not selfish to say I deserve more. It's truth. I've learned that honoring your own self worth is the first step towards leaving a toxic relationship. And I've learned that it's okay to name a relationship toxic if that's what it is. You'll lose yourself if you keep pretending that a dysfunctional relationship is a healthy one.
I've learned that even those that hurt you deserve kindness, but not at the expense of your own well-being and happiness. I've learned that you cannot give all of yourself away and leave nothing for yourself. It's not sustainable. I've learned that's okay to say no more second chances, I've had enough. I've learned that there are some trusts that cannot be repaired, and that’s not retribution or vengeance, it's wisdom.
I've learned that forgiveness is saying I'm letting go of the anger I've felt towards you. I'm letting you go without wishing you ill. I understand that the pain you caused stems from your own pain, and I wish you healing for the hurts you carry. I've learned to forgive yet maintain boundaries.
I've learned that no matter where you land, no matter how dark, there is always hope. I've learned that no matter what your story, there's no shame in your journey. Because it's okay to make mistakes, even bad choices. Move forward, start again. I've learned that no matter how broken you are, you will find wholeness again.
I've learned that after all the tears, you will find your smile.
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