brand new day

I talk a lot about courage and being strong.  I love the quote by Mark Twain, "Courage is not the lack of fear.  It is acting in spite of it."  That's been my courage mantra.  Move forward in the face of fear and become something bigger than my fears.  My courage is a fierce lion when I need it to be.  And then I learned through my depression, that sometimes courage is a quiet cry.  Sometimes it's just showing up each day and barely hanging on.   There are no lions roaring inside me on those days. Today, I'm learning that courage is choosing hope; believing in something so strongly that you choose to hope even if the rest of the world is telling you there's little hope.  Actively and intentionally choosing to hope in faith, even though the fear inside is greater than the hope.  Hoping against the odds.   Sometimes I'm afraid to hope.  But I'm not sure what I'm afraid of.  Looking foolish?  Disappointment?...

 I live my life with kindness.  I am intentional about it.  I have been through my own fair share of pain and it has humbled me.  I have been loved at my absolute worst, and I think we all deserve to be loved unconditionally without judgement.  That is the imprint my struggles have left on my heart.  They have filled me with grace and empathy for others.   So if you could hear the messages that run through my head, you would be shocked at the cruelty of my words.  Because I am my own worst critic.  The messages I repeat to myself, the tapes that play in my head, I would never say such things to another human being.  I would never say these words to strangers, let alone someone I loved.  I would never say these things to someone who had been broken and wounded so deeply.  To that someone, I would tell them how loved and worthy they are.  I would fill their cup with grace, encouragement and patience.  I wouldn't dw...

When we were growing up, my mom had a few catch phrases that when we heard them, we knew she meant business.  It was the verbal equivalent of "the look".  In our house, one such phrase was, "Enough is enough!"  And never was the definition of "enough" more clear than when my mom would say those words.  Whatever was happening in that moment - whatever had triggered that phrase - immediately stopped.  Because when mom's had enough, you best be stoppin'. Nowadays, I don't think enough holds the same meaning.  Somewhere along the way, we've equated enough with more.  The messages are all around us.  If you lose more weight, you'll be skinny enough.  Once you get a bigger house, you'll have enough space.  When you get that promotion, you'll have enough money.  Once you have more, you'll have enough; when you are more, you will be enough. We refer to enough as if it belongs in the future.  As if it is a state we will one day reach...