brand new day

The other day I was accused of not understanding the ways of the real world.  The conversation was centered around people who abuse "the system", the system being any government services offered to the underprivileged.  More accurately, I was being shamed for being idealistic and told I needed to grow up and realize that I live in the real world. I work on a labor and delivery unit in an urban hospital and a lot of our patients are poor and rely on Medicaid, welfare, WIC, etc...  all the buzzword agencies that anger people because our taxes are being siphoned off our hard earned wages to be given to those who abuse the system.  The majority of our patients are not working and their highest level of education averages somewhere between 10th and 12th grade.  Many test positive for urine drug screens, mostly marijuana.  Many, if not most, of our patients are on Medicaid because low-income women can receive comprehensive health care throughout and immediate...

Last year I got divorced for the second time.  Should I have tried harder?  Was I being selfish?  Was it my fault?  Did I need to learn how to forgive?  I don't have all the answers, but I've learned a lot along the way. I've learned that it's okay to love someone and let them go.  I've learned that if it's hurting you, it's okay to stop trying to make it work and walk away.  I've learned that too much compromise is not an expression of love, it's enabling and will never change someone else's behavior.  I've learned that as much as you want to show someone that they are worthy of love, it's not your job.  It's our own personal journey and responsibility to learn that lesson.  No one can do it for us, and we can't do it for others. I've learned that it's okay to say no, even if that means risking losing someone.  I've learned that it's not selfish to say I deserve more.  It's truth.  I've learned that ho...

Lauren is my 11 year old daughter.  Lauren is the kindest, most gentle creature.  She has a very tender heart that is easily three times the size of the average heart.  She is still very innocent and her default mode is to assume the best in everyone.  She is a peace maker, always trying to orchestrate a compromise so that everyone is happy.  She is quiet, but not meek, fun loving and silly.  She wears her heart on her sleeve and is generous with her love.  My words don't do her justice. Lauren is going to middle school next year.  She has traveled from 2nd to 5th grade with the same group of kids and she has made some really good friends.  But her absolute most bestest friend is Analise.  They are going to separate middle schools next year, and I am heartbroken for her.  Analise had a birthday party and Lauren wrote her a birthday card.  It was sincere and genuine and spoke of Lauren's character better than I could e...

I saw this on the internet, 71?  Really?  I was too scared to click on the link.  Pray for me, Ellamae is going to kindergarten this fall.  She is my fourth child to make this transition, so you'd think I'd be a pro at it by now.  Not so much.  In the spring, she went to a kindergarten assessment where they went over basic reading and math skills.  After the assessment the teacher gave us her summer packet and gently let me know that she was behind in her letter recognition skills, very behind. Pause for a moment of intense internal panic followed by a healthy dose of mom guilt. The teacher recommended a video that would help her learn her letters in a fun way which I bought from my phone while I was still in the parking lot of the school in digital and DVD format.  Then, I called her Dad in the middle of his work day to tell him what the teacher said and I sent him a link to the video so he could purchase it and downloa...

I saw something on Facebook the other day that touched a nerve.  It was this video vignette about karma.  I'll be the first to admit that I don't really know much about karma beyond the casual way we use it in our vernacular.  What goes around comes around is my limited understanding of karma.  The video opened up with a scene of a callous man explaining to his wife that he was leaving her for another woman.  Fast forward three years later and the scene is a mirror image of the first.  His new woman is equally callous toward him and is telling him she is leaving him to get back together with her ex.  They even used some of the same dialogue in both scenes to reiterate the irony.  After the video a man expounded on the subject and I interpreted his message as saying if you've been hurt, don't worry, because how people treat others will come back around to them later in life. Maybe there is a balance of the energy in the universe.  Id' lik...

Every time I set dinner on the table, my kids always say, "Thanks for dinner, Mom!" All the time.  Even if I buy dinner, or make scrambled eggs, or scrape together leftovers, someone always says, "Thanks for dinner, Mom," and the rest chime in and follow suit.  And it's not a canned speech, it feels sincere when they say it.  Each time I hear it, I am taken aback by their thoughtfulness and appreciation.  Lauren is going to middle school next year and she had sixth grade orientation.  The eighth graders were there welcoming the new students and escorting them to where they needed to be.  Lauren has been so worried about starting middle school and I could see her nerves peaking and her efforts to stifle her shy tendencies, especially because some of the eighth graders were Grace's friends.  I so wanted to give her a hug and a kiss in that moment, to say I love you and you got this.  But I held back because ...