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Grace

My little girl is so sad.  Deep, from the gut, sad.  She is always missing someone.  In the moment, it is whoever isn't there - either Mom or Dad.  But really, I think she misses the family we once were.  The wholeness of the unit.  The complete picture.

"Can you find a picture of 'The Five of Us'?" To keep under your pillow next to your baby album full of pictures of your Dad and I beaming as we stare in wonder at the miracle of you, beautiful you? Sure, baby. Of course.

I can see the memories of "us" beginning to fade and slip through her fingers.  Like the image of a loved ones' face starting to fade with time... And no matter how tight you squeeze your eyes shut and ball up your fists, you just can't make your brain recall the image in focus.  And all you're left with is a fuzzy blur that seems more like a feeling than a memory leaving you wondering - was it ever real?

"Mom, did you ever come to the cabin with us?  Have you ever been to Aunt Sarah's house before?  Did Dad ever live in this house with us?  Have you ever been to Disney World?" Yes, yes, yes, and yes... Don't you remember, baby?  It was such a beautiful trip...

But no, she doesn't anymore.  And how would she?  She had just turned 4 when everything started falling apart.  Just a baby still.  Her young developing brain barely had the ability to store long term memories.

"I don't know what's bothering me. I'm just sad." I know. You're so right, it is sad. More than anything else, divorce is sad.

How do you get a seven year old to see the silver lining?  To see that in spite of all the sadness, this is better?

"It's not getting any better, Mom. It's still so hard all the time."  I'm so sorry, baby.  It will get better, I promise.  Just hang in there.  There will come a day when your tender heart won't ache as much.  Please trust me just a little bit longer.  I know it's a lot to ask...

"I wish you and Dad were still married." I know you do, baby.  I know.

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  1. UnknownApril 14, 2013 at 1:15 AM

    It will get better with time and lots of love, I promise...((Hugs)) Trish :)

    ReplyDelete

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