Pandemic Thoughts from a 14 Year Old

I have wanted to write about this pandemic for some time now. But I can't find the words. They elude me and I can't put together my thoughts and feelings. From day to day, I vacillate between fear and hope and a gamut of feelings in between. My focus has been on my job as a nurse, making sure my kids are emotionally nurtured, and protecting those I love by doing what I can to make it possible for them to stay home and out of danger. I'm too scared to focus on more than that.

But this morning, my daughter Grace shared this journal entry she had written for a social studies project she's working on. And once again, I found myself at a loss for words. She succinctly captured this crazy, turned upside down time with a simplicity and clarity that cut through the extraneous and hit right at the heart of it all. An authentic uncensored mix of grief, anger, frustration, compassion and hope from the heart of a 14 year old girl.

I'll let her words speak to you - unedited and true.

Wednesday April 15th

Last night I was talking with my mom and she asked me how I was doing. I said the first thing that came to mind without even thinking about it. "I'm lonely and I miss people but it's ok" and she responded with "how?" I was confused. "How is it ok?" she asked me again. And my first thought was we're stopping the spread I guess.

But is all this ok?

I have a friend and their mom is a single mother of 2 teenage boys. Her job didn't pay well but it was enough... key words didn't and was. And I know she is not the only person struggling to support her family out there. One of my great aunts has depression and I know that being alone has made all of this harder for her. I know people have high stress and anxiety right now. Our economy is taking a hit, people can't afford to get help others are dying. People can't afford to get food on the table, others can't afford the risk of going to the store.  Even those of us who have everything necessary to live still are missing out on months of our lives and I know how petty it sounds because I'm healthy and have food and heat and all that good stuff.

But I feel like we're all in a state where we are not ok. We miss the regular flow of life and we miss being able to see and hug our grandparents and our friends. Is it ok that the seniors don't get to graduate or go to prom? Is it ok that we don't have a day to look forward to? That this drags on and seems like there is no end? Is it ok that we're watching the whole world struggle and we still seem to be helpless? Is this whole situation ok?

No, I don't think it's ok.

I don't think it's ok that people decide not to distance themselves. I don't think it's ok that our doctors and nurses are overworked and overstressed. I don't think the world is ok. But it's not a "this is not ok this needs to end now or else" not that kind of not ok. This is a "we can't treat this casually because people are struggling" not ok. This is not ok and even though I'm okay we're all in need of help no matter how much or how little we all have I think we all have some kind of feeling of being not ok... But I think most of the world is putting in their part and there's not a lot we can do anymore.

So how is this ok? Well I guess it's not. Thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Comments

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