I am a procrastinator... not always, but if I'm dreading something, it waits until the absolute last minute. The weather has been changing and there is no avoiding it, the kids need summer clothes. I hate changing over the closets. I'm sure I make it much more difficult than it needs to be, but all the sorting and weeding out, and organizing, and mess, and ughhhhhhhhhhhh... and it's all multiplied times three - über ugh.
But last week, I tackled the beast. I turned up the music real loud, got my boxes and bags for organizing, and dove in. I ended up with all these little piles of clothes sorted by size, gender, and destination, and three clean closets and dressers. It wasn't nearly as horrid as it sounded in my head. In fact, for someone who tends to lean toward the compulsive side, it was actually kind of fun. Okay, so I really enjoyed it.
At the end of the day, I was shaking my head at myself, wondering how often I play out this pattern of procrastination in the grander scheme of Life. Insecurity leads to fear, fear leads to dread, dread to avoidance, avoidance to necessity, necessity to action, and then - after all that, I inevitably find out it's never as bad as I feared it would be; and even if it is, I still make it through and life goes on. I don't want to live in fear, or act out of fear, or more succinctly - react out of fear and self-doubt anymore.
Just last night, another fear conquered. My son has been taking Tae Kwon Do for almost 2 years now, and I've wanted to as well since he started. It looks like so much fun. There seemed to be 100 reasons to not sign up - even though it couldn't be easier to sign up since they offer adult classes every night of the week and on Saturdays...
As silly as it seems, I was too chicken and too self-conscious. But a couple weeks ago my therapist suggested I look into some stress-relieving activities. Tae Kwon Do immediately came to mind. Finally an excuse to sign up instead of another excuse not to. Time to dive in again. This time I talked with as many people as I could about it to try and build myself an accountability net. I went so far as to buy a uniform and set up child care for Wednesday evenings.
But then, the actual diving in part... ooooh, the water is so cold when you're on the edge, isn't it? I could feel the dread building. I was a little early for class, and I'm not going to lie - I drove by the studio four times before getting the courage to just park and go in. Really? Sometimes it's the littlest things... I know how ridiculous it sounds, but for someone just finding their self-confidence, it was a big step. It made me reflect on how much of my life I live on the sidelines, wistfully looking on, too scared to jump in. So, I finally parked, took a deep breath and walked in.
Yep, nothing to fear. It was fun, so fun. I don't know what was more fun - Tae Kwon Do and awakening my inner ass-kicker (sheepish grin!) or the feeling of getting off the sidelines and diving in. I don't know - all I can say is, I can't wait for class next week!
But last week, I tackled the beast. I turned up the music real loud, got my boxes and bags for organizing, and dove in. I ended up with all these little piles of clothes sorted by size, gender, and destination, and three clean closets and dressers. It wasn't nearly as horrid as it sounded in my head. In fact, for someone who tends to lean toward the compulsive side, it was actually kind of fun. Okay, so I really enjoyed it.
At the end of the day, I was shaking my head at myself, wondering how often I play out this pattern of procrastination in the grander scheme of Life. Insecurity leads to fear, fear leads to dread, dread to avoidance, avoidance to necessity, necessity to action, and then - after all that, I inevitably find out it's never as bad as I feared it would be; and even if it is, I still make it through and life goes on. I don't want to live in fear, or act out of fear, or more succinctly - react out of fear and self-doubt anymore.
Just last night, another fear conquered. My son has been taking Tae Kwon Do for almost 2 years now, and I've wanted to as well since he started. It looks like so much fun. There seemed to be 100 reasons to not sign up - even though it couldn't be easier to sign up since they offer adult classes every night of the week and on Saturdays...
As silly as it seems, I was too chicken and too self-conscious. But a couple weeks ago my therapist suggested I look into some stress-relieving activities. Tae Kwon Do immediately came to mind. Finally an excuse to sign up instead of another excuse not to. Time to dive in again. This time I talked with as many people as I could about it to try and build myself an accountability net. I went so far as to buy a uniform and set up child care for Wednesday evenings.
But then, the actual diving in part... ooooh, the water is so cold when you're on the edge, isn't it? I could feel the dread building. I was a little early for class, and I'm not going to lie - I drove by the studio four times before getting the courage to just park and go in. Really? Sometimes it's the littlest things... I know how ridiculous it sounds, but for someone just finding their self-confidence, it was a big step. It made me reflect on how much of my life I live on the sidelines, wistfully looking on, too scared to jump in. So, I finally parked, took a deep breath and walked in.
Yep, nothing to fear. It was fun, so fun. I don't know what was more fun - Tae Kwon Do and awakening my inner ass-kicker (sheepish grin!) or the feeling of getting off the sidelines and diving in. I don't know - all I can say is, I can't wait for class next week!
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