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Living Large

As much as I'm working at learning how to dive in, I am, by nature, an observer.  I do a lot of watching and quiet observation - all part and parcel of being an introvert I guess.  Lately, I find myself taking these little steps back and looking at my life - and I like what I see.

I can feel this small smile playing on my lips when I stop and soak in the little things.  It's mostly just the small moments - driving to work on a beautiful evening, watching my kids be kids, when I'm out for a walk - it's as if this little bubble of happiness rises up for no other reason than in that moment, I love my life - and I can't seem to suppress a small smile.

The best part of it is, life is far from perfect these days (well, that part in itself kind of sucks...).  But I love that I'm learning how to see the joy in the every day, learning how to separate the circumstances from my life.

I don't know how long it has been since I've felt that I love my life.  I live a small life.  I'm not being falsely humble or self-depricating, it's just a fact.  I live a small life.  My days are governed by the ordinary and mundane - taxiing the kids around, laundry, cooking, cleaning, the occasional trip to the store, work, walks, runs... that about sums up the everyday which is the majority of my life.

Some days my life feels embarrassingly small, and the temptation is there to push to make it bigger.  Those old feelings of inadequacy creep in and my life begins to shrink in comparison to others.

But these days, my life feels so complete, even in its smallness.  It is a good life, a full life, and I love it. The other day we were eating dinner and a favorite song came on (see below) and the girls and I put down our forks, turned up the music and started dancing.  Eventually even Henry, who has recently claimed not to dance, joined in.  So there we were, the four of us kitchen dancing on a summer night, it was so fun.  Those are the moments that make up my life.  Little tiny ones just like that, yet in the moment - I know I'm living large.




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