Happy Single Mother’s Day

To all the single moms out there that are making it work one day at a time, I see you. I see the effort you put into doing your best and praying that it is enough. I see you weathering the storms alone and wondering if you are giving your children a complete and happy childhood.

I am a single mom. It's hard. Sometimes it's really hard. It's 24/7. There is no off switch, no down time, no tag-teaming it. It's just me from the moment they wake up to the moment they close their eyes. Sometimes it’s counting down the minutes until bedtime so praise Jesus, I can finally close my eyes as well. It's trying to be everything to everyone and sometimes feeling like I can't possibly be enough to anyone. Sometimes it's trying to just show up. It's staring wistfully at other parents that show up to concerts together and ride home together. It’s having no one to decompress with at the end of the day.

And with Mother’s Day upon us, I just want to say to my fellow single moms, sometimes I feel a sadness on Mother’s Day. And if you do too, that’s okay. I love being with my kids. I feel adored and appreciated by my kids. Their efforts to make Mother’s Day special for me are sincere and stem from the depths of their heart. And it is enough.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lingering sadness on Mother’s Day for me. There is a hole that isn’t meant to be filled by my children. It’s just there. It’s the grief over a lost dream. When I became a mom, it was a joint venture filled hope and promise. The beginning of a life’s work between two people that had vowed to be together through all that life would throw at them. It was meant to be a shared vision, a shared journey of raising and nurturing our children. It was meant to be an investment of our time and love so that at the end of our child rearing days, we could sit back and marvel at the wonders they had become and reminisce about the days and moments it took to get there, together.

“But you can still have those moments,” you might say. And you would be 100% right. I do. And we still co-parent and work together. However, it’s not how I imagined it would be when I felt those first movements in my womb. I still mourn that. It doesn’t take away from the joy I have as a parent, it’s just there. On Mother’s Day, I feel it more acutely. There is no father behind the kids celebrating all I do as a mother to help raise his children. No father modeling gratitude and appreciation to his kids. No shared journey.

I just want to say to the single mom out there that might feel a tugging at your heart strings, I see you. Maybe you look wistfully at two parent families at brunch on Mother’s Day. Maybe you think of former days when you were all one family in one house. Maybe memories of the good times revisit you, or maybe memories of the worst times resurface. I just want to say to you, it’s okay. If you feel an emptiness, you don’t have to pretend that this day means just as much to you or even more because you’re a single mom. And if you don’t feel that emptiness and your heart is bursting with pride for all that you have overcome and all that you continue to go through, I see you too.

So all you single moms - solidarity and love to you, sisters. Happy Mother’s Day to you amazing women. Enjoy those kids, envelop yourself in their love. And be gentle with your hearts. Because this Mother’s Day, like every other day of the year - we got this.

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